Sometimes it’s hard to tell if Satan is just giving me a hard time for trying to do right or if God is just showing me tough love through harsh discipline from doing wrong. Life has a way of making you wonder what you are doing. When things just don’t seem to add up we tend to question whether or not we are doing what we are supposed to. Do we deserve the unhappiness that we feel, are we meant to be alone, if we continue to give love will we ever receive it back? Then again that could just be me. I think it is a necessary exercise to reflect in self analysis to understand who we are & how we can conceive ways to improve & make ourselves better. We must examine ourselves but not to the point that we become captive to the confusion in the image of our previous mistakes, failures, misfortune, disappointments, losses, flaws, inadequacies, deficiencies, infirmities, ugliness & imperfections that are revealed to us in the mirror.
When hopes & dreams are destroyed it’s easy for life to become very disheartening & pressing on seems impossible. It’s a really terrible feeling to know that you disappoint the people you care most about. It’s bad to be discouraged with yourself. To know you fail not only God but yourself & others that look to be able to depend on you. As it is I really feel like I have failed in so many aspects of my life. As a son, as a brother, as an EX fiance, as a friend, as a man individually. I have the humility to admit it. Lord only knows how much I try. At times it just seems like I was born to be the example of what not to be, what not to do & how not to live. Things aren’t perfect & I accept much more than I’d really like to yet & still I find ways & things to be grateful for.
People may count you out, disregard you & write you off for nobody when you’re down but that’s ok. Nobody stays down forever. I may not be perfect but I do the things that I do to be a delight in the heart & sight of Jesus. Being a broken vessel is hard but it allows for obtaining the heart required & his glory through his perfect love to be revealed. Though chivalrous acts of kindness & love appear as stupidity & foolishness to a perishing world I will continue to hold to the virtues of compassion, hope, integrity, patience, gentleness, mercy, & forbearance. We are taught that we first must love ourselves before we can love others but there is no sin in fighting for what’s right, putting God 1st & others above myself. If I’m wrong for that may the Lord forgive me.
Life is a test of faith. Both of the faith God has in us & what little faith we have in “His,” good will. If we are in fact faithful we must believe not in what we always see for seeing & knowing is not faith at all. As the plot of my testimony thickens in anguish & suffering I have joy knowing that I’m getting closer to better & greater things. May God allow me the wisdom to learn from & forgive my past, give me the courage today to serve faithfully & the strength to endure the struggles of the present. Lord bless the hope of future tomorrows with prosperity, happiness, & love. It is in Jesus name I pray.
1 Peter 4:12-19 (19 So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.)
12 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 14 If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. 15 If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. 16 However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. 17 For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? 18 And,
“If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,
what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?”[a]
19 So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.